News
STUMP! Episode 5: Second Elimination!
The White House Mates face their second elimination. Who goes home? Who remains?
The Dark Knight: A conspiracy?.. Rush to get Batman!
Jamie Dimon on the LIBOR rate-rigging scandal: How do you like me now?
I’d tell you my real name, but then the FBI, Illuminati and Weight Watchers would be able to find me.
They’re all working together to run the world, you know…
Rush Limbaugh has a new conspiracy theory:
“The Dark Knight Rises”, that new Batman movie? Yeah, that’s just anti-Romney propaganda…
Check this out:
Okay, the CRIMINALS in the movie are targeting RICH people!!
That’s obviously a coded message for socialism, right??
And this movie’s been in the works for like 3 or 4 years. Right: how long has Obama been in office?
And get this, get this, according to Rush: The main villain is a guy named “Bane.” Well, there you go: Romney’s old company was named Bain Capital.
Dude! How did they KNOW 20 years ago that Romney was going to run for President!? It’s a conspiracy, Man!
Rush, Man, whatever’s in that Oxycontin: keep taking it, Brother. We need you to tell us about the conspiracies!
This Year’s Miss Universe Could be an ex-Dude
“The Donald” Trump allows transgender contestant Jenna Talackova to vie for the crown. (But only after a fuss).
Blago’s Blogo
Governor who tried to sell Obama’s senate seat now has soap reserved for him in the shower.
We here at Dog News were lucky enough to come across Blagojevich’s made up blog. See below.
Blago’s Blog, Star date 15 March 2012
On this, the Ides of March, as part of my important and ongoing duties as the life-long governor of Illinois, I, Rod Blagojevich boarded a plane to take me to the Federal Correctional Institution Englewood in suburban Denver. I left with a heavy heart, a clear conscience, and not a hair out of place, as I blew kisses to my well wishers.
I have selflessly allowed the nation to think the worst of me in order to save the great state of Illinois. At Englewood, I will brave the harsh conditions to go under cover and expose the outrageous perks all those white collar criminals receive: 0% unemployment, square meals, and free soap from your cell mate. I shall bend this corruption over a table and spank it out of existence. Then I’ll sell the table to the highest bidder.
By the time I am through in 14 1/2 years, I will so thoroughly understand the minds of the Coloradans, that they will never be able to invade the great state of Illinois! Signing off for now. You haven’t heard the last of me.
-Illinois long-suffering Superhero,
Rod Blagojevich
